It's not often that Birmingham, Alabama - my home city, born and raised - makes two magazines I read in the same day. Oh, sure, years back we were the epicenter of racial strife and conflict between racist whites and blacks asserting their newly-confirmed (they were "won" centuries before) rights and freedoms. Sure, we are referred to by certain of the "niggeratti" (not my phrase, mind you; blame the originator, if you dare) as "Bombingham," a sad reminder of the tragedy of the 16th Street Baptist Church in 1963.We, as a city, have surely had our crises - both of action and conscience. But, for the past few decades, we, as a city, have been pretty quiet. Sure, we are the birthplace of Condolezza Rice and Natalie Holloway but, as far as current affairs go, we have been notably inconspicuous. Most of us savor thinking of ourselves as just a sleepy, moderate-sized Southern city which fits in relatively well with the "New South" best typified by Atlanta and Nashville.

I, personally, like Birmingham. I was in the U.S. Army for over a decade and moved around enough to have tasted life in cities of all sizes. But Birmingham suits me best. It’s big enough to attract most of the big names in entertainment (of a wide variety) but small enough to allow you to move about the city, get to work and shop without fighting horrible big-city traffic jams. Maybe it’s just me, but I like small-to-moderate sized cities over the megalopolis. If I wanted to see U2, Arrowsmith, Elton John, Beyonce or Usher live in concert, I would live in an larger city. I don’t and, therefore, I don’t.

But, with the publication of recent surveys (businesses that do these sorts of things seem to be gearing up for the 2008 election year by "surveying" every topic imaginable), I have been made of aware of just where good old Birmingham sits among the nations cities. It turns out - as with most all things - we have a little good news and some significant bad news. First, the good news. The December, 2007 issue of Men’s Health magazine carried an article titled: "The Drunkest Cities." It was one of those unfortunate "surveys" that really didn’t survey anything. It was compiled artificially by factoring (who knows how) various indices and coming up with a ranking system. Some of the factors used included CDC statistics for people dying of alcoholic liver disease, drunk driver arrests, fatal accidents involving intoxicated motorists and the like. All that aside, I am happy to report that Birmingham ranked 84^th in the listing of the "100 Drunkest Cities" and was "graded" as a B+. I would have taken that in school and, were I a city, I would take that as a grade for almost anything. If you are at all interested, Denver was drunkest city and Durham, North Carolina was the most sober. The latter was a major upset: my favorite to win the Drunk City Sweepstakes, Salt Lake City, Utah (Mormons, don’t you know) was not the Numero Uno sobriety center of America. To drive the point home, Salt Lake City was rated lower (or is it higher? drunker?) not just than Durham but also by Miami (one immediately begins to question the validity of the survey at this point), Buffalo and Yonkers, New York and Jackson, Mississippi. Salt Lake City, Utah was only the 95^th least drunk city in the nation. That’s something quite odd, I think. But, let’s not look a gift survey in its statistical mouth and just express a sense of pride that Birmingham is in the lower fifth (pun intended) of drunken cities.

Now, for the bad news. Birmingham may not be drunk (one can only assume this also refers to being "intoxicated" on other drugs, such as crack, cocaine, methamphetamine and the like), but we, as a city, sure are a violent bunch. According to the FBI crime statistics, as published in the Washington Post, November 17, 2007) we are #5 (the only time or fashion we have ever been that high in the nation in anything was when Paul "Bear" Bryant coached the Alabama football team and, friends, that was a long time ago) when it comes to violent crime - the per-capita rates for homicide, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary and auto theft. Even more alarming, in cities of our population size (100,000-499,000 residents), we are #3, surpassed only by Flint, Michigan and St. Louis, Missouri. Ouch! It seems our sleepy little Southern city has a great deal of built-up angst and hostility. What should concern us most is that, based on the previous "Drunk City" ratings, we apparently cannot blame our rage on chemically-induced lack of inhibitions. We are, statistically, just as likely to rape, pillage and plunder sober as we are when we are "under the influence." This does not bode well for an immediate fix for the problem. If we were Denver (ignominiously named the nation’s "Drunkest City") and had a high rate of crime, one could attempt to contemplate prohibition of alcohol in the city. After all, that worked so well to reduce crime in the "Roaring 20s," didn’t it? [Sarcasm intended] But, alas, there are no simple fixes available to a sober, violent city such as Birmingham. The problems and causes, obviously, run much deeper than merely uninhibited limbic systems. Taking the logic in a 180 degree turn, maybe we should have more drinking in Birmingham and see what effect it might have on crime. As drunk as the Denver citizens apparently are, they don’t even crack the top 25 for violent crime. Go figure!

Finally, we come to the most insidious and chronic problem that befalls our fair city. According to Forbes Magazine. This venerable magazine of all things financial had an article in their November 26, 2007 edition titled: "America’s Most Obese Cities." Here is where the contemplative resident should take pause and ponder, gravely, on the numbers presented. According to Forbes and author Rebecca Ruiz, Birmingham (31.3%) is the second fattest city in America. We can thank Memphis, Tennessee for not being number one. And, heck, Memphis (34%) at least can claim to be the home of the blues, Graceland and much better bar-b-cue ribs. Birmingham’s citizen are 2.7 percent points away from being the fattest people in America and all we can claim over Memphis is the tallest statue of Vulcan on the planet. Not much of a tradeoff is it? Graceland and Beale Street versus cast-iron, butt-cheek-revealing statue of the Roman god of fire and forge.

While one the subject, health-wise, Alabama is an excellent state for long-term job stability for several professions: doctors and morticians are but two examples of those who will never run out of work. In Alabama, we do not establish state parks, we preserve land for future cemetery locations. Surely, we are going to need them - and soon. Birmingham is the 2^nd fattest city, yes, but Alabama is, not surprisingly, also the second (or third, depending on who you ask) fattest state. [One of the most often used statements in Alabama is "Thank God for Mississippi!" - for without that hapless state as a neighbor, Alabama would, undoubtedly, be ranked 50^th in almost every negative national ranking.] As a state, we also break into the Top 10 nationwide in rates for diabetes (#5), hypertension (#3), asthma (#3), infant mortality (#4) and adult (#9) and high school (#8) smoking rates. Clearly, the Alabama Department of Public Health is doing a bang-up job educating and modifying the adverse behaviors of their taxpayers. Yet another sterling example of tax dollars being efficiently spent. But, I will nip that particular rant in the bud lest I hear the immortal words of Ronald Reagan ringing in my ears: "There you go again!"

Allow me to close by saying that I do love this state and my city. We certainly have a number of pressing problems - health and education being preeminent. Still, we are progressing much better than a lot of areas of the country in race relations and the healing of wounds from past injustices. We are tragically falling behind the rest of the nation in several important areas and there are recalcitrant pockets of racism but, I suspect, no more prevalent and certainly no more venomous than in some of the Northeastern and Midwestern states. We have come farther and faster over the past half-century than a number of the states who look down on Alabama as "backwards" and "redneck."

But, for those of us who live here, we know the truth of the matter. And, warts and all, are proud to call Alabama our home.