You are heartily invited to a new venture. Namely, The American Whiner.

If there is one thing that Americans excel at doing it is complaining. We have evolved (devolved?) from a nation that exhibited remarkable stoicism in harsh times (principally, due to the fact that we were once a religious nation and accepted "God’s Will" readily and unquestionably) to a people that spend most of our waking hours whining. We whine, bitch and moan (and blame everyone and everything except ourselves. of course - just another of our nascent but rapidly maturing talents) for every distasteful, unpleasant or downright catastrophic event that might befall us. We whine about everything. We complain that gas prices are too high and yet we drive 5,000 pound behemoths that squeezes out about 10-12 miles per gallon on the road. We complain about the lack of leadership in our government but, when a candidate presents himself to the public forum, we inflate every failing they might have had in their youth ("My Heavens! He smoked pot when he was 17! How could he be our President?") as an accurate reflection of their underlying character as mature adults. We bemoan the greed and frivolous behavior of our children and yet we give them every new luxury item that hits the store shelves so that "they don't feel inferior to anyone else" or the equally threadbare "I want my children to have it easier than I did." We rant and rave over the loss of jobs to overseas workers and continue to buy foreign goods at the store because they are a few dollars cheaper than those from domestic manufacturers. As a corollary, we cry foul because foreign workers undercut our labor costs but still belong to unions that work to price American labor out of their jobs. At office parties and social gatherings we give full-throated voice to the righteous indignation we hold for the violence and sexual depravity on network television and then rush home to catch "Desperate Housewives" or "Dirt" on our TiVo.

We need to be honest with ourselves and, at long last, accept that we have a true, uncelebrated and unique talent: we love to whine! And, dammit, we are good at it. It is our new national pastime. I am lately convinced, that if we did not whine - nonstop, 7 days a week, 365 days a year (even in leap years!) - we would, quite probably, have absolutely nothing to talk about. If the Republicans couldn’t whine about the Democrats (and vice versa, of course), if the blue-collar workers couldn’t whine about management (and, vice versa), if whites couldn’t whine about blacks or Hispanics (and, well, ditto), if teenagers couldn’t whine about their parents and...well, you get my drift - we very well might become a nation of mutes. The national noise level would drop to the decibel level of Walden’s Pond and, given a sufficient number of generations, Americans, theoretically, might actually lose the facility of speech.

But, there is no danger of that. It would be as if Tiger Woods abandoned golf to become a plumber, or Roger Federer left tennis to do a cooking show, or Oprah gave up television to drive NASCAR or Vin Diesel gave up acting...er..ah...wait, Vin Diesel already did that. Sorry, but scratch that last one. The point is, when you have a talent for something, it is foolish to abandon it. And, my fellow Americans, we have a GIFT! It is our duty to ourselves and all humanity to honor our natural endowment, refine it to even loftier heights and diligently hone it to a razor’s edge. That is why there is "The American Whiner." Here, you and I (OK, mostly me since I am the one paying for all this) have a forum to whine - anytime we want and on any topic we want. It will allow all of America to raise their collective voices and whine, complain and verily I say, bitch about what just ticks us off. As an added bonus, we can also blame, castigate, chastise and deride anyone or anything for causing our pet peeves, our personal problems or national dilemmas.

We, at The American Whiner do have a rule, however. You may not go off script and dare to accept the blame, yourself, for anything. For instance, if you are a drug or alcohol addict, it is not your fault. Go with poor parenting, traumatic childhood events, bad investment advice, whatever, as long as you don’t accept personal responsibility. We will not allow that kind of thinking here. If you are unemployed, it is not - repeat, NOT - because you have poor social skills, inadequate motivation or training, incendiary halitosis or hazardous flatulence. Perish those thoughts immediately! It is someone else’s fault. If you lay awake at night worrying about global warming or gas prices, there is absolutely no reason for you to dwell on the fact that you drive a Dodge Hemi Ram Duallie pickup or a Lincoln Navigator for a 60 mile commute to work or that you keep your 4000 square foot home a nippy 68 degrees in August and a toasty 74 in January. Gas prices are high because of George W. Bush, Dick (Haliburton) Chaney, the Republican Party and the corrupt, price gouging oil plutocrats. Your personal habits are irrelevant and should contribute not one whit to your personal angst. Just let loose against the real culprits. If you are concerned that your teenager can’t read or can’t seem to balance his personal checking account (he does have one, doesn’t he?), you should voice your outrage (i.e. vigorous whining) about the inadequate schools and half-trained teachers who spend more time concerned with your son’s shirt being tucked in than with teaching your poor baby anything useful. It is completely irrelevant that you (since he was knee-high to grasshopper) have allowed (nay, encouraged!) little Jethro to watch 6 hours of television on school days and you have never - ever - read with him, checked on his homework or discussed the importance of education to his future life. Those are just the sort of sinister thoughts that undermine our efforts to advance our gift and, besides, you were tired and need to relax yourself. Banish all such thinking from your consciousness, forthwith! The lousy teachers, the out-dated, poorly-equiped schools and/or the government are completely at fault, not you.

It is our right as Americans, the true and legitimate keepers of the flames of righteousness and indignation, to give voice to the injustices of our lives, our nation and our world. More than that, it’s our duty. It is our national calling and to not take part is downright un-American. I for one, plan to rabidly, regularly and incessantly do my part to advance the art that is, rightfully, our American heritage. I will bitch, moan, whine and blame as often as the mood hits me. And, I fully expect, that will be frequently and fervently. After all, when there are so few of we blameless and innocent victims left in this perverted, tainted and crooked world, we few, we happy few, should raise our voices to the heavens and heap the accusations where there rightfully belong - elsewhere.

I say "Whine today, it’s the American Way!" Welcome and I look forward to your contributions. Now is not the time to let your countrymen down.

Join us at The American Whiner today and make your whines heard!