[This is exerpted from my other BLOG, "The American Whiner." It is presented here for your amusement and to invite you to see the other esteemed recipients of past awards. Thank you for reading along.]

It must be admitted, from the get go, that I am no fan of Bill Clinton. He was an average President with above average "people skills" and libido. He presided over the nation at a time of economic prosperity which, as is true of all Presidents, has absolutely nothing to do with his skill or his policies. He handled a few foreign relations matters with widely varying results: the Balkans, C+; Somalia, F-, Irish Peace Process, B. Domestically, while the stock market soared and the deficit fell, the character of the Presidency was demoted several levels. From Monica to Whitewater to "Pardon-gate". Clinton seemed to be a one-man wrecking ball for public regard of the Office. In the fickle and ever-changing world of the stupid "Who’s Was the Best President?" polls, Clinton would, right now, rank somewhere between Nixon and Buchanan; in 25 years, he will be neck and neck with John Kennedy.

Having revealed my prejudices, I now come to the man’s defense. Maybe, it is that unbreakable bond between the males of the lowly Homo americanus that calls me to the barricades to defend one our fallen brethren, detestable dog that he may be. Even Boston eventually forgave Bill Buckner, Vickings fans forgave "Wrongway" Jim Marshall and, someday, Chicago Cub fans might even forgive Steve Bartman. Please, people! Sometimes you really have to let go and move on. If you don’t, it will just continue to eat you up inside and you will become Rosie O’Donnell or, worse.

[Nota Bena: I thoroughly intended to say "or, worse, you could become..." but I couldn’t actually think of (or imagine) anyone that qualified as "worse" than Rosie O’Donnell. Sorry. There are limits to any writer’s imagination.]

But I digress. The point of this "Whiner of the Week" (for the first time, I might add, awarded to two worthy recipients) is simply that when the race has been over for nearly a decade, it’s time to dismount the old nag and let the beast catch a rest. Apparently, our co-winners didn’t get that particular memo. Those hotties (I claim license for literary sarcasm) from the 1990s, those publicity addicted harpies from every man’s imagined hell, those Medusa Twins from the bowels of the underworld...oh, you get the picture. In brief and, in the immortal words of Carol Ann Freeling, "They’re baa-ack!" in time for the election hullabaloo, Paul Jones and Jennifer Flowers are primed to cash in.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and, when there are two, you had better wear a titanium cup. The twin furies plan a joint (insert favorite marijuana joke here) web site on which, for a mere $1.99, the voyeurs of the world can see videos of the vixens describing "the lurid details of encounters they claim they had with former President Bill Clinton." You can’t make this stuff up, folks.

In an interview with the television show, Extra, Jones gives her breathless (insert favorite "heavy breathing" phone joke here) audience her Socratic logic for the venture: "It's a way we can get our story out there in our own words, without someone making their own interpretations or corrections." Which is to say, they are tired of having liberal pundits twist their sad tales during interviews. Which is to say, there are still teeming multitudes anxiously awaiting the details on cigars, size and lingual techniques. In brief: The aging hussies want to try and make a few last bucks from their excruciatingly-long 15 minutes of infamy.

In the name of All That is Holy, enough already! Sure, Bill screwed around. No one, not even Hillary, Chelsea or Buddy (if you could do some Pet Cemetery voodoo on his corspe), believe that Bill was semper fidelis. Did he lie to the American public about it? You bet your bottom dollar he did. Did he "get away with anything"? Well, if you mean did he get away with lying to the people, then, yes, he did. If you are asking me, personally, if he got away with lying to the American people about something that was any of our business then the answer is no, not in my opinion. Unless he went down to the Office of Budget and Accounting and cashed a check for tax money to pay for 12 Russian "escorts", I really don’t care who Bill (or any other President) care to liaise with. I might be green with envy but the fact remains, what well the President drills is absolutely, positively none of my business.

If someone would could get a few shots of single-malt Scotch down Bill, given the right setting and appropriate mood lighting, Bill might even allow as how he might have had sex outside the sanctity of his vows. The confession, of course, would ultimately depend on how you defined "sex" but, that aside, the whole sordid tryst is probably just a glimmer in the old boy’s eyes at this late date, pun intended.

My point is simple this: Who the hell cares? An even better question: Who the hell cares enough to spend two bucks listening to a pair of fading cowgirls who, a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, probably had the high-point of their lives tedious lives with, when all else is said and done, probably a pretty fun guy? Other than being fronted by some ultra-conservative money bags hoping against hope that these "true confessions" might influence an already solidly split electorate, I just don’t see any socially-redeeming value. We’ll leave the question of tact, good taste and decorum to higher authorities.

So, there it is. Another slow news day and another non-news story, slithering across the news wire. But, from Romeo and Juliet, I offer this: "Tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but ’tis enough, t’will serve."

And, on a tedious news day, even a story like this t’will serve.

Oh, before I forget: Congratulations, Jennifer and Paula! You two are our Whiner’s of the Week.