"After food, the most important activity, at least for men, is sex. Sex is not going away."
Geoffrey Arnold, Nevada Brothel Owners Association

Let the above quote sink in for just a few moments. When I read the story from which it is extracted, I was struck by many things. I was astounded with the genius of the State of Nevada for legalizing something (prostitution) that is going to be done illegally and less safely in every other state and every other country on the planet, the marketing expertise and savvy of the brothel owners and their innovative dealings with the gas crunch and, well, to tell the truth, I was just blown away by the fact that brothels have lobbyists. Damn, what a great job that would be on a resume! I can see it now:

What was your last job? I was a lobbyist for the Nevada Brothel Owners Association

What were your duties? I meet with the Nevada State legislatures and made sure that the interests of the Nevada brothels were upheld firmly and rigidly (yeah, I know, I know) in the State Legislature.

What was the best part of your previous job? [The sound of uncontrollable laughter]

But, above all, I was struck by the quote itself and what it says about the male Homo erectus (gives a whole new meaning to our classification, doesn’t it?).

I have absolutely no reason to doubt the veracity of the man quoted. Mr. Arnold surely knows his market and his customers far better than any single man outside his particular industry, such as moi, could reasonably hope to challenge. I would be shooting, inaccurately, from the hip (or even lower) if I were to question whether the simple assertion, to wit: sex is the second most important activity of men, is actually true. For me to doubt that would like doubting that Pamela Sue Anderson really knows about men or that Hugh Hefner really knows about women or that Ellen Degeneres really knows about...well...er...I begin to repeat myself. When it comes to the learned pontification that men hold sex "more important" than they do their jobs, the price of gas, their finances, beer, their family (their children, of course; clearly not their wife), NASCAR, football, their family’s security (financial and otherwise), their hobbies, cures for baldness or ED, their religion or their national security, I stand agape.

I suppose it makes a certain evolutionary sense, if one believes in that sort of thing and, at the risk of eternal damnation by the evangelicals, I, for one, do. I mean, what would be the order of importance for my beloved ancestors, the cave man? Once he wiggled free of the primordial ooze, hoisted himself up onto two legs and got his bearings, I have no trouble imagining that his attention would be directed to the rumbling in his gut. It would call out to our intrepid, hairy biped to go forth, post haste, and club a wild saber-toothed pig or spear a wooly mastodon, dress it and hang it up to dry.

After this dangerous trial in the wicked bush, no doubt accompanied by his clansmen, my ancestor and his posse would want to kick back with a few beers and watch some NFL football. Oh, SNAP! They didn’t have any beer (Gads!) or any NFL football (say it ain’t so!). In the days of old, I can see that there would be a tragically limited variety of entertainment sources after a dangerous hunt when the testosterone is peaking and the hairy-chested bipeds have to get rid of all that residual adrenalin.

I suspect the gaze of the my revved up ancestor would wander over the dreary cave and, spying his (hirsute but, nevertheless, strangely desirable) female counterpart, would think, as his progeny today often do at their local watering holes: "Now, there is some entertainment that looks...well...very, very interesting!" Well, maybe that it is not an exact transcript, but you get the picture. Just as the modern cavemen do after sufficient 90 proof lubrication, he would grunt a few appropriate sweet nothings, make some rudimentary courting gestures (cave girls ain’t easy!) and sidle over for a little "entertainment." Just as his modern day equivalent, our ancestor would, predictably, fall immediately asleep after the (harumph!) "entertainment", his duty to both the species and himself satiated. Little changes over millennia when it concerns (and I quote) man’s second most important activity, after food.

In this way, I can be brought to believe that, as we evolved, sex would, conceivably, be superceded only by food in the deep, primitive, tiny recesses of the male cerebrum. But, even after acknowledging the evolutionary clarity of this new revelation, its stark message still rises up to slap my male vanity upside its head. Damn, women do control the world! I guess the only ones who didn’t know that already were men, at least those men not members of the Nevada Brothel Owners Association. (Yes, Virginia, there is a web site).

If sex is, indeed, superceded in the mind of Boobus americanus, just feel the power that women have quietly wielded over their inferiors for, lo, these many centuries. As they quietly moved from the cave to the hearth and then, through feminine guile and persuasion, to the vote and to the corporate penthouse, they have managed to keep their charms and their unwavering control of their cavemen. The female of the humanoids, clearly, has not only superior (and much in demand) physical gifts, she also has an indomitable and superior brain pan. She gets what she wants because the cavemen needs what she has. Is there any simpler system of exchange in the history of the world? Women have a currency of exchange that is never effected by inflation (pun intended) or recession. The Chairmen of the Federal Reserve cannot control the value men assign to the female’s precious "currency" any more than he can control the price of oil.

Getting back to the tragic state of the Nevada brothels, it seems that, due to the gas crisis and resultant reduction in disposable income (don’t you love that phrase), brothel income is down 25% in Nevada. It has gotten to the point that the marketing expertise of the Brothel Association has kicked into high gear. They are offering gas cards ($50 for those spending $300; $100 for those who really, really think sex is actually more important than food and spend $500). Another house for the ladies of joy has even reduced their rates: you can get 45 minutes of what runs second to food in the mind of man for $175 instead of the usual $200.

The most innovative is the Moonlite BunnyRanch near Carson City, where the first 100 customers who arrive with government stimulus checks receive twice the "service" (cough, cough) for the same price. If you bring in your $600 economic stimulus check, you can exchange it for $1200 worth of female "currency". Sure beats swapping for Euros, doesn’t it? "We're calling it double your stimulus," said BunnyRanch owner Dennis Hof. "The brothel industry is having to get more creative just like all consumer products in America. Everybody has got to deal, and we're doing the same thing."

Just skip over the "double your stimulus" classic and move on to the concise capitalistic wisdom of "everybody has to deal". That is the spirit that has made the American brand of laissez faire economics that has made our land great. If other industries would only heed the advice of the purveyors of the "oldest profession", we would have much healthier approach to little annoyances like gas crises, floods, hurricanes, global warming and world hunger. Well, maybe not the last one, but you get my drift.

I wish nothing but the best to the brothels of Nevada. They give me hope that common sense, a sense of humor and good old Friedman-ian market economy can bring a fluid, successful adaptation to any market conditions. Other industries should take note of the innovations and creative thinking of this hearty band of entrepreneurs and learn from them. There is gold in them there Nevada hills and it is not confined to the mines and the quarries. Some of it is in the Chicken Ranch Brothel, Donna’s Battle Mountain Ranch, the Shady Lady Ranch and the other members of the Nevada Brothel Owner’s Association.

In the noble words of John Soule, "Go West, young man and Grow UP with the country!" [Emphasis mine]