"The New Deal began, like the Salvation Army, by promising to save humanity. It ended, again like the Salvation Army, by running flop-houses and disturbing the peace."

One of the many ironies I slam into every time I endeavor to move forward in my desperate search for intelligent life on this planet (Update: so far, there are no - as in zero - signs) is that when it comes to politics, if not faith, liberals enthusiastically embrace the notion of "intelligent design" (ID). In matters of faith, liberals constantly rail against it, laugh at it and, through relentless legal challenges, forbid the very idea of exposing our impressionable (I was going to use "innocent" but that hardly applies anymore) spawn in public schools to even the theoretical possibility of ID in the history of earth. I suspect this is based on the fact that since they cannot change the facts this time so that it would appear they came up with the idea (remember Al Gore and the Internet?), then it cannot be taught, even as a plausible hypothesis. Since ID suggests that there might be a planner out there, somewhere, that might be more wise than Howard Dean, Clintons I and II, James Carville, the Benovolent Wisdom of Karl Marx, Nancy Pelosi and the High Priests of the Ivory Towers, it is, ipso facto, not a permissible doctrine and must be suppressed. Intelligent design, in its faith-based definition, has no place in the world of narrow minds and political correctness. Which is to say, it has no place among people intent on constricting the range of what things a free people might chose to believe. In brief, it is rejectedby the literati or, simply, the Democratic National Committee.

Yet liberals see no hypocrisy (do they ever?) at all in basing the whole of their political policies on exactly the same concept. Irony? I think yes. Intelligent design is part and parcel of every governmental program, plan, policy, bill and boondoggle passed by our betters in Washington since the 39 Old White Men signed the Grand Parchment in 1787. The one constant - the North Star - of the Fraternal Order of Grand Planners (a.k.a. Congress) has always been to establish Heaven onhttp://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cum Earth with Washington, D.C. as its Emerald City and themselves, of course, as Our Saviors. It seems to politicians - Republicans, of late; Democrats, since time immemorial - that it makes perfect sense, as government policy, to believe man can be tweaked, indoctrinated, brainwashed, modified and trained - artificially "evolved", if you will - to be nearer to their misty-eyed, idyllic vision of Man, Perfected. If only enough money is spent on sufficiently elaborate and scientifically-vetted programs, Homo americanus can be made into a environmentally-conscious, happy, generous, class and race unconscious, empty-minded yet productive citizen that loves his work and supports his government with blind obedience and, most importantly, his money, property and belongings. With a sufficient intelligent design, America-as-Utopia is not just a glimmer in the eye of all happy, drooling liberals but, in their one-lobed brains, damn well worth squeezing our pockets dry in the pursuit of it.

To whit, I can easily see the next President making a Kennedy-esque speech in January, 2009 calling for America to be "free of poverty, racism, war and pollution and ugly people by the end of the next decade. We chose to set these goals not because they are easy, but because they are hard." Blah, blah, blah. (Can you hear the echos?)

This is the essence of politically-based intelligent design. The formula is a simple one, perfected over centuries of pie-in-the-sky image makers and two-bit shysters. Once the gullible, desperate, and increasingly ignorant populace has been shown the vision, selling it is the second step. This is the trickiest part of the process. In good times (think 1920, 1950 or 1980), it is difficult, if not damn near impossible, for the gangsters to sell their latest version of ocean front property in Arizona, even to the good old American taxpayer. But difficult times (imagine 1934 - in America and Germany) make fertile fields for planting deceptive, fallacious and fraudulent visions. The weak minds of frightened people, facing hardships that they:

• are not accustomed to, and
• are unable or unwilling to make personal sacrifices in order to surmount, and
• do not have the character to withstand the depravation they have caused, and
• individually, are unable to envision resolving on their own

become receptive to all forms of propaganda and false dreams. These are the circumstances that allowed for the rise of Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Pol-Pot, Saddam Hussein and the Ayatollah Khomeini in the last century alone. When a nation’s people feel personally under attack and vulnerable, even the most illogical, which is not to say insane, plan can give them a false sense of relief and, with that, irrational hope. And hope, even if based on lies and deception, is just numbing enough.

I do not think, just yet, that America is ripe for the ascension of a dictator though, with the majority of this country’s voters made up of illiterate, distracted, disinterested, acortical and irredeemable sheep, who can know for certain. I do believe, nevertheless, that the time is ripe (which is to say, the people are stupid enough to believe in) for some potentially catastrophic "social experiments". With the current mood of disenchantment, disillusionment and empty-headed hopelessness in this nation, it is not difficult to predict that the next winner of the quadrennial Presidential sweepstakes will be given a black check. And with this carte blanche, he will be permitted to build some inspiring (if illusionary) castles - perhaps an entire mythical subdivision - in the sky before and after his coronation.

I will be the first to admit that a nation back on its collective heels (as we surely are in 2008) can, in some ways, benefit from a measure of rah-rah, "we have nothing to fear but fear itself" blather. It is a rhetorical balm that can, when delivered with a straight, sincere and comely face, calm a nation and divert the eyes of the Great Unwashed from the harsh truths of their lives as beasts of burden and toward heaven, where pipe dreams flourish and hope survives. Even I will freely admit that there was no more effective glue to hold this nation together during the dark days of the Depression than the oratorical genius of Franklin Delano Roosevelt. While the best that can be said of his wrongheaded, dictatorial and purely socialist welfare state was that it might have possibly delayed the total collapse of our economy (at least, until the 1941 war boon could permanently restore us from the doldrums), it cannot be denied that his "Fireside Chats" kept his nation from falling into the hands of communists, anarchists or worse. There is much to be said for a calm voice, a reassuring smile and simple words in times of crisis.

The problems with charismatic leaders in chaotic times is that they are too often granted extraordinary leeway by the minions who have bought into their flowery words and their empty promises. When gifted speakers can paint the image of a golden dawn just within the nation’s grasp if only Congress would approve this package of social programs or that series of economic reforms, public pressure becomes sufficient to bully these fantasms through the legislature. After all, this is how Woodrow Wilson got approval of his Gestapo-like American Protective League that encouraged Americans to spy on each other, FDR sold his bill of goods (a.k.a. the "New Deal") and, most recently, George The Second imposed the Patriot Act on a frightened public. If you are still convinced that a sufficiently demagogic President cannot possibly pillage our civil liberties under the guise of national security or stability, you are just the type of oblivious moron that allows the Bill of Rights to be continuously used a doormat when convenient or expeditious. Just remember, Bunky, your government is here to protect you. Close your eyes and repeat that three times and click your heels together. Open your eyes. View the gulag.

In 2008, we do not need pretty pictures of a peaceful, well-fed, disease free and benevolent world that can never and will never exist no matter how much the Great Planners spend to make it so. The latest $50 billion package for AIDS and malaria prevention primarily in Africa comes at a time when our nation clearly has enough problems of its own. Do we really have the fiscal wherewithal to continue the liberal’s life mission to save the planet and the 6 billion bipeds that stamp across it? It is not that I do not have compassion for the citizens of the world afflicted by AIDS. I simply have more compassion for my own countrymen who are without work, losing their homes by the thousands and are on welfare and unemployment. I am convinced that we should be looking after our own, first and foremost, and use any surplus to aid the rest of the world. After all, we know (or should know) how they will, eventually, return our kindnesses.

Elections in a democracy are always important; elections in a democracy under siege are critical. Troubled times in a nation are times of great mischief in government. These are the perilous times when intelligent design becomes the shibboleth of unscrupulous politicos at all levels, even the highest. When people are knocked wobbly by the economy or war or domestic discord - or all three as is our plight today, the wrong leader with the wrong agenda and a willing Congress can reek havoc on a nation and its citizenry in short order. Tragically, with the preference for amusement and frivolity over serious study and thought among the American population, the crooks in the current or next government have little to fear from their employers. As long as cable television, high-speed internet access, cell phones and iPods continue to function, no one will be very concerned with that confusing Congressional Record stuff.

Bulletin: In case you have been too distracted to notice, the inmates are in charge of the asylum and we have handed them the checkbook, passwords and dismissed the guards.